Well where to go this week! Fuzzbuster is still all caught up in the cold weather and can't seem to focus on The Spaniard nicking that naughty leaker, after Lord Stamford accused him of felching without a hat on. Old Stamford had twice previously dropped the charges and let the bounder go but after a kicking from Old Dr Bamagoode and possibly Lord Pentonville and his Peddler mates Stamford gave the Spaniards no choice but to bag him up and post him back. No doubt Paddington will interfere and the whole process will slow down to a crawl.
It seems that Old Dr Bamagoode has also been leaning on the Basildons as they have withdrawn support for the naughty leaker from all of their various organs. He should never have threatened to out the Basildons at the same time as Bamagoode and Pentonville, one enemy at a time would be my motto!
On the old tournament front, good news from the Isle of Wight where the Albany boys went on their hols. It appears they gave the locals a right going over to the extent that the local Fuzzbusters are ready to deport them to the mainland if they slip up again. This follows a bit of a ragging for the IoW's egg chasers only a couple of weeks ago. My how the sands shift eh?
Last thing up for today, we all enjoyed Aunty May sticking it to Lightfinger's gardener not once but twice. Poor Corrible will never lose the monicker now.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Three Lions- My Arse
You what? Bunghole Junior's nephew, Lightfinger and Little Minchin go off to the Clock Shop and come back with bugger all. Three Lions? My arse. Two votes or no points-(in the words of Lemmy) its all the same to me.
We all know that Grandpa Bunghole loves the lucre and after the Albany-Fuzzbusters have threatened to eat his cake, him and the rest of the family elders will have to make some hay quickly and while the sun shines.
Lord Pentonville and his crew must be chuckling to themselves. Even if Bamagoode and his buddies have suggested he's one of the Pedlars, he's got clean away with it. For Grandpa Bunghole however twice seems a little greedy. Old Bunghole has never even met the Edgwares before but is happy for them to stump up for a bash as well. New bunce, and lots of it. The irony is everyone knows Bunghole is a bounder but we all want to play the host and go to his balls.
In six months old Fuzzbuster and and the Spaniards will have come up with a bag full of cash and a smokin' cheroot but the bash will be on and Bunghole will be all the better for it. Last lunch in the trough for this bunch of feeders but if I know Lord Dover there will be a new snout in the trough soon enough, god help us it won't be from Albany. Johnny Alban alsways has to play by the rules! How Boho got the Loops to agree to use his place still amazes.
Anyway Minchin has to get back to the new missus, and I guess we can cross Lord Pentonville off the guest list for next spring as well!
Further news today is the abject failure of the Fabricators to make anything useful whatsoever as soon as the sky clouds over. Un-Be-Lievable. Some people have such short memories, the Fabricators fail to deliver on a fine day, why expect something better in the snow. Mrs Fuzzbuster is already saying that Old Boho goes to buy a clock with the so called lions and his whole house goes to pot. Fudge and his mates will be having a field day tomorrow, Bunghole Junior with Lightfinger carrying his bag, fails again and the Fabricators lose the plot. No doubt Mrs Fuzzbuster will find someone to blame. Call the Spaniards...
We all know that Grandpa Bunghole loves the lucre and after the Albany-Fuzzbusters have threatened to eat his cake, him and the rest of the family elders will have to make some hay quickly and while the sun shines.
Lord Pentonville and his crew must be chuckling to themselves. Even if Bamagoode and his buddies have suggested he's one of the Pedlars, he's got clean away with it. For Grandpa Bunghole however twice seems a little greedy. Old Bunghole has never even met the Edgwares before but is happy for them to stump up for a bash as well. New bunce, and lots of it. The irony is everyone knows Bunghole is a bounder but we all want to play the host and go to his balls.
In six months old Fuzzbuster and and the Spaniards will have come up with a bag full of cash and a smokin' cheroot but the bash will be on and Bunghole will be all the better for it. Last lunch in the trough for this bunch of feeders but if I know Lord Dover there will be a new snout in the trough soon enough, god help us it won't be from Albany. Johnny Alban alsways has to play by the rules! How Boho got the Loops to agree to use his place still amazes.
Anyway Minchin has to get back to the new missus, and I guess we can cross Lord Pentonville off the guest list for next spring as well!
Further news today is the abject failure of the Fabricators to make anything useful whatsoever as soon as the sky clouds over. Un-Be-Lievable. Some people have such short memories, the Fabricators fail to deliver on a fine day, why expect something better in the snow. Mrs Fuzzbuster is already saying that Old Boho goes to buy a clock with the so called lions and his whole house goes to pot. Fudge and his mates will be having a field day tomorrow, Bunghole Junior with Lightfinger carrying his bag, fails again and the Fabricators lose the plot. No doubt Mrs Fuzzbuster will find someone to blame. Call the Spaniards...
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Dr Bamagoode and the Spot-Lancers
Poor old Dr Bamagoode appears to be in more trouble with Old Man Spot-lancer after tattling to the Fuzzbusters that he had one over the eight and went dancing through the night.
Meanwhile the Basildons have shown their distaste in dealing with the younger members of the Lightfingers suggesting they are too fluffy to rescue the family from penury and they would prefer to be dealing with Mr Fudge. Their concerns were made clear to Old Dr Bamagoode though why he is speaking to the Basildons at all remains a mystery!
More on the Bunghole tournament today as it seems Young Lightfinger has joined with Bunghole Junior in pestering Grandpa to let him have the bash at his place. I doubt the prospects of this endeavour and fear that Bunghole Senior will go with Lord Portsmouth rather than risk upsetting the rest of the family by letting Junior get his hands on the whole shooting match. This won't go the way of the Loops and their bash where they dumped the party on Boho when everyone thought it would be held by Lord Dover. Poor Boho will be paying for this for some time to come and what with the continuing expense of running the Fabricator I expect his pockets to be somewhat empty for a while to come yet.
Meanwhile the Basildons have shown their distaste in dealing with the younger members of the Lightfingers suggesting they are too fluffy to rescue the family from penury and they would prefer to be dealing with Mr Fudge. Their concerns were made clear to Old Dr Bamagoode though why he is speaking to the Basildons at all remains a mystery!
More on the Bunghole tournament today as it seems Young Lightfinger has joined with Bunghole Junior in pestering Grandpa to let him have the bash at his place. I doubt the prospects of this endeavour and fear that Bunghole Senior will go with Lord Portsmouth rather than risk upsetting the rest of the family by letting Junior get his hands on the whole shooting match. This won't go the way of the Loops and their bash where they dumped the party on Boho when everyone thought it would be held by Lord Dover. Poor Boho will be paying for this for some time to come and what with the continuing expense of running the Fabricator I expect his pockets to be somewhat empty for a while to come yet.
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Minchin Cat and Dr Bamagoode
Minchin Cat and Mrs Fuzzbuster were dining on old roll mops over lunch regaling each other with tales of their exploits. Mrs Fuzzbuster noted to Minchin Cat that Dr Bamagoode had been absolutely beastly about Minchins trip to the Spot-lancers with the Basildons. Old Bamagoode had accused Minchin of being "cocky" of all things and of decrying the Fuzzbusters' good name to the Spot-lancers. Not only that but Dr Bamagoode said that Minchin thought the Lightfingers and the Henchermens' pursuit of the party goods deal with the Edgwares was "fekkin ridiculous". Needless to say this was much cheered by the Basildons.
Well after digesting Fuzzbusters news, Minchin stayed silent for a while before suggesting that Old Dr Bamagoode had better up his game if he wanted to come to the Minchins' spring party next year.
Not only that but Old Bamagoode appeared to have pissed off the Lightfingers, the Edgwares and the Spot-lancers but that both branches of the Sunny's were also getting irate with continual balls-ups about who said what to whom and whether they should send them the party goods by special delivery or not, a debate the Edgwares had also been discussing about their own noisy neighbours. None of them offered however to host the party themselves, it always seems to fall to Dr Bamagoode or his family, usually sponsored by Lightfingers and Fudge. Anyway if Bamagoode does get to come to the spring ball, who will want to sit next to him?
It looks like Bamagoode will be issuing the party goods at an alarming rate in the future if both the Edgwares and the Sunnys get their way, lets hope that the Lightfingers don't offer up Count Bogshot as the delivery boy again. It seems unlikely as Bamagoode has slagged him off for the lacklustre special delivery to the Edgwares last time out.
Ironically the Minchins have just purchased a party-goods company and Mrs Minchin was more than happy to send her second-eldest to see Old Bamagoode to close the deal! Lets hope the Henchermens don't get in the way. Maybe Old Dr Bamagoode will get to the spring-party after all.
Meanwhile Fuzzbuster is blaming Aunty May for queering the pitch on the 2018 Bunghole tournament. Bunghole Junior is squirming because Aunty May said that Grandpa Bunghole is on the take and can't be trusted with the silverware. This means that Grandpa Bunghole won't let Junior have the tournament at his house because its too close to Anuty May's and Junior will have to travel. We know how homesick he gets. It's hardly worth his while turning up, he says, as he always has to leave early. It's clear that the Fuzzbusters won't leave him alone whether he goes or not. Anyway, Aunty May ought to have a closer look at Junior Bunghole as I suspect he's no better than Grandpa when it comes to running the show.
Well after digesting Fuzzbusters news, Minchin stayed silent for a while before suggesting that Old Dr Bamagoode had better up his game if he wanted to come to the Minchins' spring party next year.
Not only that but Old Bamagoode appeared to have pissed off the Lightfingers, the Edgwares and the Spot-lancers but that both branches of the Sunny's were also getting irate with continual balls-ups about who said what to whom and whether they should send them the party goods by special delivery or not, a debate the Edgwares had also been discussing about their own noisy neighbours. None of them offered however to host the party themselves, it always seems to fall to Dr Bamagoode or his family, usually sponsored by Lightfingers and Fudge. Anyway if Bamagoode does get to come to the spring ball, who will want to sit next to him?
It looks like Bamagoode will be issuing the party goods at an alarming rate in the future if both the Edgwares and the Sunnys get their way, lets hope that the Lightfingers don't offer up Count Bogshot as the delivery boy again. It seems unlikely as Bamagoode has slagged him off for the lacklustre special delivery to the Edgwares last time out.
Ironically the Minchins have just purchased a party-goods company and Mrs Minchin was more than happy to send her second-eldest to see Old Bamagoode to close the deal! Lets hope the Henchermens don't get in the way. Maybe Old Dr Bamagoode will get to the spring-party after all.
Meanwhile Fuzzbuster is blaming Aunty May for queering the pitch on the 2018 Bunghole tournament. Bunghole Junior is squirming because Aunty May said that Grandpa Bunghole is on the take and can't be trusted with the silverware. This means that Grandpa Bunghole won't let Junior have the tournament at his house because its too close to Anuty May's and Junior will have to travel. We know how homesick he gets. It's hardly worth his while turning up, he says, as he always has to leave early. It's clear that the Fuzzbusters won't leave him alone whether he goes or not. Anyway, Aunty May ought to have a closer look at Junior Bunghole as I suspect he's no better than Grandpa when it comes to running the show.
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Forty Six
It is not just a number but a physical arrival at a place. Past 45, closer to 50, the end of days. Anyone who says life begins at forty, that provides but a short span 'cos it sure as hell stops at 45. Remember all of those things you were going to do, at 46 it is genuinely time to forget it.
Never be a rock star
Never star in Hollywood
Never make it as a pilot
Never shag a supermodel- well not another one at least.
Never run up stairs
Never trek around Nepal
Never ski at the Olympics
Never Play for Chelsea
Whilst this is the despair, the joy is your children?
Now you can live your life vicariously through them, become some sad old f****r pushing his kids to stage school, screaming at the touchline on a rainy Sunday morning, ranting about getting good grades and doing homework as its so important now. Only it isn't is it.
What is important at 46? Not a lot.
Actually generally not having to give too much of a shit what is going on is great, not caring about politics anymore, not hating (other than drivers), tolerance of differences, anticipation of changes, the future seems much nearer and the long thread of experience starts to genuinely feel like an advantage rather than a track record. Work time passes more rapidly, you need less sleep, hangovers are more transient, burning imperatives are somehow slightly cooler.
The one real fear is that you may not get to read, see or understand everything that you want to before you die. This is particularly true if you have the classic mid-life and go buy yourself a motorbike.
Never be a rock star
Never star in Hollywood
Never make it as a pilot
Never shag a supermodel- well not another one at least.
Never run up stairs
Never trek around Nepal
Never ski at the Olympics
Never Play for Chelsea
Whilst this is the despair, the joy is your children?
Now you can live your life vicariously through them, become some sad old f****r pushing his kids to stage school, screaming at the touchline on a rainy Sunday morning, ranting about getting good grades and doing homework as its so important now. Only it isn't is it.
What is important at 46? Not a lot.
Actually generally not having to give too much of a shit what is going on is great, not caring about politics anymore, not hating (other than drivers), tolerance of differences, anticipation of changes, the future seems much nearer and the long thread of experience starts to genuinely feel like an advantage rather than a track record. Work time passes more rapidly, you need less sleep, hangovers are more transient, burning imperatives are somehow slightly cooler.
The one real fear is that you may not get to read, see or understand everything that you want to before you die. This is particularly true if you have the classic mid-life and go buy yourself a motorbike.
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