In a not altogether unsurprising move genealogists have discovered that Barrack Obama is a direct descendant of the ancient kings of Ireland. In a blow to the McCain presidential bid Barrack has stolen the Irish vote from under his nose. Notwithstanding his incontrovertible association with potatoes McCain's claims to the Irish vote fail to unearth any original or direct connection to the Emerald Isle, home to 3m people, and antecedents to 242m Americans.
Further research has also established a Jewish connection for Mr Obama as a direct descendant of Solomon and as an indirect member of one of the seven lost tribes of Judea. Mr Obama's wife on the other hand has both clear Polish and Italian connections with an Amish father and a mother from the bible belt.
When asked about his connections Mr Obama joshed to journalists yesterday that "it is a grand soft morning this morning my life my life already." Mrs Obama responded he was being too proud and if he continued she would have to send him to sleep with the fishes.
Paris Hilton commented that this frantic and rather puerile scratching around for ethnic connections would not affect her campaign for the White House at all. She pointed to a blue blooded line of feckless Anglo - American aristo's who hadn't worked for a living for nine generations as the ideal breeding for America's first female president.
Campaign commitments by Paris that she will invite Bill Clinton to the Oval Office for a cigar, film the event and post a viral video of it on you tube were met with riotous applause by American college students who see the bleak celebrity as the best option for those disillusioned with the cult of celebrity in American politics.
Obviously all of the above is unquestionably wrong.
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